There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
