This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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