Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
