Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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