If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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