i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
