you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
