Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
