ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
organizing the empties. That sober.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
