its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
