I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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