My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
