this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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