Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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