Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
try to milk me bitch
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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