she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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