there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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