I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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