can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
