Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
