My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
