I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
