he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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