Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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