so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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