I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The best revenge is premature balding
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Randomize
