My hand turned me down
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
