i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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