Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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