Duck Duck Cougar?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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