I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
