Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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