he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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