we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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