I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
