Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize