I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize