so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
