This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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