put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
