Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found your dick twin last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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