Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
