i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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