No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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