so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
