today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I still have a little drunk in my system
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
