i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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