well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
