My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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