I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
