maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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