exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
