She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
