So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
