Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
