rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
