I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
