how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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