Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
