I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
