It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
