Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
