Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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