I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
