You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
