i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
