she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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